All The Things You Said

San Francisco’s 6^th annual LovEvolution (formerly known as Love Fest) was an interesting affair, to say the least. From the loud house style music and the non-stop dancing to the elaborately decorated floats and outrageously dressed attendees, the parade was definitely a sight to see. All of these components came together on October 3 to celebrate music, love, diversity, tolerance, dance, and community.

I arrived in the city around 1:00pm. I was excited, having only a vague idea of what was to come thanks to photos from previous years. My friends and I were dressed in bright colors, with exaggerated makeup, and pink, temporary hair-dye. Desperately trying to find a bathroom, we ventured down Market Street. The further we got down Market; the more and more we started seeing people dressed for the occasion. After finally reaching a restroom we decided to find a place to stand and watch the parade.

The floats were amazing and the music so hypnotizing, you couldn’t help but dance. Everyone and their grandfather had come to dance along the floats, it seemed. Each float had it’s own dancers, DJs and theme. My personal favorite was the Nor-Cal theme float, with the very vocalist. All the floats were truly unique and amazing in their own ways, though.

The varieties of outfits were spectacular. People were dressed in bright, metallic, and sparkling colors, with hair to match. There were face painted teens, high-heeled transvestites, full body animal costumed adults, and nude people all around you. My friends were danced on by a man in a lacking, leather outfit and my other friend was asked if she’d like a kiss by a large, shirtless, masked, older man. The people were a tiny bit insane and I have to admit that I loved it.

After the parade ended we started our long walk to the bus stop for our trip home. We made quite a few stops along the way, including Spirit Halloween store (which is where I will be purchasing my Halloween outfit accessories.), the Westfield shopping mall, and Del Taco, to name a few. We arrived at the bus stop much earlier than expected so we picked a case of stairs in front of a closed establishment to sit. We talked and laughed about our day and the sights that we witnessed and Del taco French-fries to pigeons. We found one black bird in particular that we favored and named him Elmer the Love Bird. I later wrote a story about Elmer, which you can read here.

After an hour and a half of waiting our Golden Gate Transit bus finally arrived at the designated stop. I was fully prepared to sleep the entire estimated two-hour bus ride, but as soon as we arrived at the Civic Center where the LovEvolution festival was taking place, I would have a quick change of heart. It took us about an hour to drive the length of Market to the Civic Center, to the bus stop near the festival. The nearly empty bus soon filled to the brim with LovEvolution goers, including one incredibly intoxicated college girl. Little did we know that this young woman would be our entertainment on the lengthy ride home.

This girl, whom we later in the trip nicknamed “drunk bitch”, had apparently given her phone to her friend; Scotty P. She said loudly, to no one in particular, that she had lent him her cell phone and he had failed to return it to her. Drunk Bitch’s friend, a girl presumably the same age with pupils so enormous that her irises were almost non-existent, did as her friend told her and tried to call Scotty P. and a couple of Scotty P.’s friends. Unfortunately, for the entire bus population, Big Pupil Girl did not get into contact with any of these people.

All of us bus-riders thought that this was the end of things and that we could all rest and have a peaceful trip home, since Drunk Bitch had passed out, but we were far from correct. Drunk Bitch woke up and started nagging Big Pupil Girl again about calling Scotty P. BPG tried to tell Drunk Bitch that she had already called people a few times and that nobody was answering their phones, but DB was unsatisfied with this answer. She asked and asked her friend to use her phone, but BPG refused to let her borrow it. At this point, chaos erupted. DB started to cry, whine and yell at her “best friend” telling her that she was a dumb bitch and that she hated her. After more a little more crying, yelling, and sleeping, DB awoke and began to complain to the people around her on the bus.

One gentleman in particular, who was wearing a hat, listened to DB and tried to calm her down. DB named this guy Hat Boy. All of us bus-riders joined in on the conversation and started referring to the boy as Hat Boy, also.

After Hat Boy had gotten off at this stop and we had bid him adieu, DB went back to her dramatic state of yelling and name-calling directed towards her friend. My friend and I couldn’t help but laugh and comment on this silly, immature, girl. DB did not find our laughter or commentary amusing and started directing the name-calling at us, which in turn made our giggles increase even more.

All along this interesting little bus ride the people of the bus had one large conversation together and some tried to help DB. DB unintentionally gave anyone she talked to a nickname that the entire bus then called that person by. There was Purple Shirt, Boy With Hair, Gum Dude, Sombrero Girl, Silver Legs, Skateboard Kid, Man In Sport Coat, Plaid, Sweater Boy, Old Asian Dude, Bitch’s Friend (my friend), and last, but certainly not least, Bitch I’m Going To Kick Your Ass (me).

At one point on this ride home, after receiving my nickname from DB, DB and I started to have a little bit of a confrontation. I promptly stood up and asked who would have my back if we were to brawl. More people than not, rose their hands. It was certainly the most hilarious bus ride that I’ve ever took part in.

All of the nicknamed bus riders decided to call the bus The Love Bus. We welcomed every new passenger to our Love Bus and took pictures with all the nicknamed people. DB even apologized and took the picture for us. That day our little Love Bus family bonded and made lasting memories of fun times together on that three hour long excursion back to our hometowns.

San Francisco’s LovEvolution is definitely an event not to be missed. With all the diverse music, culture, and people, there is something for everyone. I plan to attend 2010’s festival and parade and most likely many annual ones after that. I’d recommend the event to anyone who wants a great experience and an amazing adventure.

-Alyssa Christensen

     Once upon a time in a magical land known commonly as “da sco”, there lived a little, black bird that went by the name of Elmer. Elmer was much cuter than all the pigeons and also more well liked. Sometimes people felt sorry for Elmer because he had elephantitis of the talon and messed up butt feathers, so Elmer was fed more than the other birds. The other birds were angered that they were given less food than Elmer was getting, from the humans. They sometimes picked on him and called him names, such as; tiny or retard-foot. This upset little Elmer very much.

     One day, Elmer became very fed-up with the hurtful insults and developed a plan. Elmer decided that some love spreading needed to go down. He thought and thought until he came up with a brilliant plan. Elmer would throw a festival in Frisco, but not just any festival, no, a love festival!

     Elmer promptly hired humans to organize the event, being that Elmer lacked opposable thumbs and knowledge of the English language. How did he communicate with the humans he hired, you ask? Well, it is really quite simple. Elmer searched all around Market Street until he found a crazy bird lady in an alley near Jack in the Box. This crazy bird lady could speak both English and bird, so Elmer told her of his plan and she got things going for him.

     Elmer had a vision for this Love Fest. He imagined that there would be a huge parade with many floats, naked and/or half-naked people, outrageous and colorful outfits, and best of all, techno music, all day long. “Yes, I’m a genius!” thought Elmer. “How could people not love one another with all of these great things going on? The only thing that could get in the way is if a dumb, drunken girl lends her phone to a guy named Scotty P., doesn’t get it back, then takes her anger out on innocent bystanders.” Fortunately, Elmer knew what to do if this problem occurred, he would call upon his seagull friends and have them poop on her head. Elmer was a very smart little black bird.

     After the humans organized everything for Elmer, they anticipated the big day. When it finally arrived, Elmer’s vision was achieved and there were many, many people all celebrating and spreading the love. The pigeons were not mean and did not call Elmer retard-foot, any longer. They equally shared all the Del Taco french fries that teenagers gave them and, starting that day, they lived together in peace and harmony.

From that day on everyone in da bay knew Elmer as Elmer: The Love Bird.

The End

You see it on mailboxes, park benches, walls, or any other free space that is available. It’s popular with the teenagers and young adults in the large cities and everywhere else for that matter. Some consider it art or self-expression. Others, however, declare it vandalism. What is this topic that so many people are concerned about? The answer is Graffiti.

The word graffiti comes from the Italian word graffiato, meaning scratched. Today, this scratching is defined as markings, like initials, slogans, or drawings, written, spray-painted, or sketched on a sidewalk, wall of a building, public restroom, or the like. It can be as simple as just one word or it can be in a large mural style. Dating back to the pre-historic eras, graffiti, according to the above definition, is an ancient art. However, using the denotation that graffiti is only true graffiti if written on private or public property without consent, it has been around since the 1960s. You can view this writing in any major city; even smaller ones have their fair share of tags around town.

So, why would someone risk getting in trouble just for writing on something in public? “… Damage over $400 worth is considered a felony, any less is a misdemeanor.” Says Cotati police officer, Andrew Lyssand. “It brings down the neighborhood, it’s unsightly and nobody likes It.” he adds. “Writers”, as they call themselves, have other beliefs. A senior in high school and regular writer says, “I write because of the adrenaline rush and I just love this form of art. It’s extremely appealing to me and it’s beautiful art.” He tells me that it started because of his obsession with sneakers. The sneaker culture opened him up to writing because it is “intertwined with urban culture, which includes graffiti, hip-hop, break dancing, etc”. A high school freshman feels that businesses pollute the world with advertisements and art. “No difference.” Some adults argue that all graffiti is gang-related. Officer Lyssand sternly assures us that it is not all about gangs. “I have no part in gang ‘graff’, that is what gives painters a bad name.” explains the same young graffiti artist.

Whether people like it or not teenagers and adults alike will continue on with this “simply one of a kind art”. But Lyssand warns writers, “If they want to write they can write on a note pad and practice their skill or get permission to write or do a mural on someone’s property, but without permission they risk getting arrested”. From ancient times to now and presumably far into the future, graffiti will be an art form of the youth. “As long as I write, I’m happy. I don’t care what the opposing side thinks.”

Don’t know how to find the right bra size? Want to know how to stay happy at work without changing jobs? These 25 life-saving tips will help you out. With everything from changing a tire to breaking up with your guy, these tips that every woman should know, are truly life saving.

1. Applying blush
The right way of applying blush is an important lesson to know. You start by finding the right color for you. You can do this by lightly hitting or “spanking” your cheeks, which will show you the same color you’d be if you were flushed from exercise. This is the color that you want. Now to apply it, use a brush that you don’t use for anything else, look in the mirror and smile to see where the apples of your cheeks are, and start brushing in a stroke form on the apples of your cheeks. Yes! You’re looking fabulous already.



2. Self defense moves
The knowledge of self-defense could mean the difference between life and death. Every woman should know how to protect herself effectively against attackers, rapists, or anyone else trying to do you harm. All you have to do is S.I.N.G. If you’ve ever seen the film Miss Congeniality, you may know what I’m talking about. S.I.N.G. stands for Solar Plexus, Instep, Nose, and Groin. Targeting any of these sensitive spots on the body will help hurt and eventually distract your attacker, giving you time to run away. Another helpful move is gouging of the eyes. Also, a hard punch, or elbow to the throat or side of the neck will cause the criminal to faint or lose consciousness for at least a moment. Just remember your goal is to get away safely, do it any way possible.



3. Letting him down easy
We’ve all heard the line “it’s not you, it’s me,” before. I have some better tips on how to call off your relationship. First of all you need to get your point across clearly. Don’t beat around the bush, be honest (but nice) and say that it just isn’t working out for you. Do not lie or make up some crazy story, again, honesty is key. Always, always, always break up with your boyfriend in person. How would you feel after being dumped on the phone, or even worse through a text message? Above all, remember to be polite but precise about your feelings.

4. Dealing with cramps
It’s that time of the month again and what presents do we get besides bloating and crankiness? Woman’s worst enemy: cramps. Luckily, there’s a few ways that us girls can cope with this pain, besides taking Midol, that is. Some things to try are a heating pad or hot water bottle on your stomach to help relax the muscles, mild exercise; such as walking or riding a bike, avoiding caffeine and alcohol; which just aggravates symptoms, and drinking a great amount of water.

5. Accessories
The number one rule for accessories that every woman should know is that less is more. You can wear statement earrings or a statement necklace, but not both. Your accessories should compliment the outfit and the color scheme of the outfit. To add a pop of color to a neutral outfit, try a colorful bag, pair of shoes, or scarf. Just remember not to go overboard on accessories.

6. Changing your own tire
Okay ladies, we can do this! It’s actually a very simple process. First of all and probably most obvious; make sure that your parking break is on and that the car will not roll. After you’ve completed that, get out your jack and find out where to place it. To find out this information you can look in your owner’s manual or on some cars there’s a mark behind the front wheel wells or in front of the rear wheel wells as to where to put it. Now, raise the jack so it is supporting the car. Remove the hubcap and unscrew and remove the lug nuts doing one then the one opposite of it until all are removed. Now you can remove the flat tire. Put the new tire onto the wheel studs with the air valve facing out. After that you can replace the lug nuts in the same pattern that you took them off (make sure they’re tight!). Put the hubcap back on and lower the jack. You’re finished! See, wasn’t that easy?


7. Finding the right bra size
Did you know that most women wear the wrong bra size? It’s very easy to find your right size. To start, wear a comfortable bra without padding. Take the measuring tape and measure around your chest right underneath your breasts. This measurement is your band size (if it’s an odd number then add 1”). Next, measure around your breasts at the fullest part. Take that number and subtract it from your band size. Every inch is a cup. For example, if the difference is 1” then you are an A cup, 2” is a B cup, 3” is a C cup, and 4” would be a D cup.

8. Bouncing back from a bad breakup
Getting dumped is never a good feeling. To get over him you need to start by not thinking about him. Don’t talk to him for now. Even if you would really like to, just don’t do it. Take anything that reminds you of him and put it away in a box in the closet. Out of sight, out of mind, they say. Now, you need to distract yourself. Go out and have fun. Do things that you’ve always wanted to try. Mix and mingle. Who knows, you might even meet a new guy. If after all this you’re still very upset about the break-up, then talk to a close friend and get everything off your chest, letting it out feels good and works wonders on emotions. Last, but not least, move on. Realize that if he doesn’t want to be with you the two of you may be not meant for each other. There’s plenty of fish in this sea we call the world. Get out there and find a guy who will treat you right!

9. Telling if he’s boyfriend material
Some women have a hard time spotting a loser. He may seem like a 10 at first, but then he slowly let’s the low-life creep out of him. First of all, is he gentlemanly? Being gentlemanly would include being polite to you, of course, and everyone else. If he’s nice to you but extremely rude to a waiter or server at a restaurant he may just be a mean guy and will show you that side of him eventually. What do you two chat about? A real gentleman is interested in you and your interests, not talking about himself the whole time. How about the check, does he expect you to pay? A courteous man would offer to pay, unless you already agreed to split the bill, making you pay is a definite sign of a loser. You can tell right off the bat if he’s a loser by the way he treats his mother or sister. Bad-mouthing them or being a jerk to them on the phone is probably your cue to leave. Dump that zero and find a hero.

10. Sunscreen is your best friend
Ah, the magical powers of sunscreen. Not only does it protect against skin cancer, but it also helps anti-aging. Applying sunscreen every single day is what will help you have the beautiful young skin you want, forever. Doctors recommend wearing sunscreen every single day, even if it’s not so sunny out. Those nasty UV rays still get through, rain or shine.

11. Staying safe online
Today, in the age of Facebook and Twitter, it’s very easy to slip up and give away some precious information. Posting information, such as your address, where you are, or when you aren’t going to be home, can be remarkably dangerous. Posting your status on Myspace as “In Hawaii until Thursday!” is actually saying, “Come rob my house! I’m not home!” Be smart about what you say and what details you give on the web. Make your web page private and so only people you know can see what you post. If it’s not private always ask yourself, would I tell this to a complete stranger?

12. Staying happy at your job
If you’re at a job that used to seem great, but has long since lost it’s appeal and there’s no other job opportunities out there, then make the best of it. Try being more social. Forming relationships at work will make you look forward to seeing your co-workers and give you a better working environment. Speaking of environment, what’s your work space like? Make it cozier by adding a few of your own touches, like a photograph or a plant. Maybe the problem at your job is that you’re not being challenged enough. Ask your boss for more or different work to do, this may help stimulate your brain causing you to be more entertained. Also, allow yourself a little bit of free time. Check your email or IM a friend for 15 minutes a day in between working.

13. Fighting that hangover
So your drinking got a little out of hand last night. You don’t know much except you luckily ended up in your own bed. What you do know is now you have a pounding headache and feel extremely queasy. What do you do now? Start by calling in sick, nobody will question you if you say that you have the flu. Now, drink up. Alcohol makes you dehydrated so avoid caffeine, which will add to the dehydration, stick to large amounts of water and juice. Eat light foods (if you can eat at all), such as crackers. Go back to sleep then repeat.


14. Acing the interview for your dream job
It’s the job of your dreams and you’re nervous about the interview. Well, don’t worry, I have your back. Make sure you start your day off well; get a good nights sleep, eat a healthy, but filling, breakfast, and get up on time. Research about the company or business that you are trying to work for, the interviewer will be impressed that you did your homework. Stay confident. Confidence can make a huge difference; your future boss will be able to tell that you are confident in yourself and your abilities. Be professional, dress the part and always be polite. Most of all, be yourself.

15. Planing the perfect party
Throwing the perfect bash is hard work, but very worth it in the end. Plan early so you will be sure that you have enough time for all the preparations. Some things to think about include; what kind of party, the invitations, who to invite, where it will take place, where your guests will park, the hors d’oeuvres, the beverages, the seating, the atmosphere and lighting of the venue, coffee for later, and of course all of the little details. If all of this is overwhelming try having a friend help you out.


16. Falling asleep without counting sheep
There are those nights when you just cannot fall asleep. Well I’ll tell you what you can do to help with this problem, sheep free. Keeping a regular sleep schedule helps you to fall asleep right on time every night. Not eating or exercising can be beneficial also; both of which keep you awake longer. Some people say reading a book helps them doze off. If you have a lot on your mind and can’t seem to sleep, try writing down your thoughts. Knowing that you won’t forget in the morning can put you at ease and let you catch some Z’s.

17. Flirting
Some women just don’t have “game” when it comes to flirting with men. You have to let a guy know that you’re into him if you ever want him to make a move. To do this, be calm and laid back, nobody likes someone who tries too hard. Break the touch barrier by lightly touching his arm when you laugh at his joke or picking some lint off of his shirt. Compliments really work wonderfully. Make sure they are sincere ones, though. Make eye contact and hold it for longer than you normally would, he’ll know something’s up.
Talk about his interests, try to get to know him, he’ll know that you are interested.

18. Managing time
Time management is definitely a life-saving skill to know. Planning ahead is the most important thing that you could do. Second most important, would have to be prioritizing. Decide what you need to do in which order, what has to be done by when and what can you hold off on? Set goals for yourself, this will help you stay on task because you’ll want to accomplish them. Organizing your environment and keeping a planner will also help you manage your time.

19. CPR
Be a hero, know your CPR. To start, check the person for breathing, by tilting their head back. If there is no breathing then you start mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Plug their nose and cover their mouth with yours and breath 2 breaths into them, each breath being about 1 second long. Now look for responsiveness; breathing, coughing, or moving should occur, if not, start chest compressions. Place your hands in the middle of the person’s nipples and pump your hands up and down 1 ½ inches to 2 inches with each pump being less than 1 second. Do this 30 times. Repeat both steps until help arrives.

20. Putting on a condom on your partner
A very important lesson: putting on a condom. It can save you from sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancy. First of all obtain a condom; from the store, a doctor’s office, or a clinic, like Planned Parenthood (they’ll give you a ton for free!). Now to put it on your partner, just place the condom on the head of the penis, holding the tip of the condom with your fingers, and roll it up all the way. Voila! You’re on your way to safe sex.

21. Complimenting someone
Not only do compliments make the person you’re giving them to happy, but they make you happy too. Compliments are like giving a gift for no reason, which always a great experience. To compliment someone be sure to stay sincere. Be specific with your compliment, a certain piece of jewelry that you like is better than an all over compliment, it will show that you actually noticed them. To make a compliment really strong add why you like it, for example, I like that shirt, the color really brings out your eyes.

22. Preventing heart disease
Heart disease is the number one killer of woman in the United States. Luckily there are many ways to prevent it. Tobacco and stress contribute massively to heart disease so try your best to stay smoke-free and de-stressed. Having a good diet will help too, you are more likely to have heart disease if you have high blood pressure, high blood cholesterol, or are obese. And, of course being active is a great help to prevent many diseases including heart disease.

23. Detecting if someone is lying
Knowing when someone is lying is extremely helpful. Look at their body language, it can tell you a lot. Are they making eye contact? If not, that’s a bad sign. Are their hands touching their face, throat, or mouth? Do their actions and gestures match their emotions and expressions (such as frowning when saying something happy, or saying that they love a gift but smiling after saying it, like it was planned)? If no to those two questions, then you’ve got a liar on your hands.

24. Washing your face every night before going to sleep
The best advice my mom ever gave me was wash your face every single night before going to sleep. Leaving the days makeup and oil on your face will clog pores causing breakouts and nobody wants that. Always remember to wash up!

25. Self breast exam
Spotting breast cancer early on can save your life. You always do a self-breast exam lying down. When checking your right breast, place your right palm under your head and use the left hand to check. Use the pads of your three middle fingers and go in a circle motion overlapping to check for bumps. You’ll need to use different types of pressure; light for the tissue closest to the skin, a mild pressure for deeper, and firm pressure to feel the tissue closet to the chest and ribs. To make sure you check the whole breast, go in a line down the breast then a line right next to that line and so on. Repeat on right side. Call your doctor immediately if you find anything.

http://smaknews.com/Need-to-Know/25-life-saving-tips-every-woman-should-know-3/ «<also find it here

Hope this helped you out at least a little! - <3 Alyssa